Thursday, October 22, 2009
{ 8:59 AM }
Im been staying at my grandparents house. Been really really sick. High fever pluss this fucking sore eyes. I cant even open my sepet eyes. Both got infected until now. Still sore. 1 week of holiday. I think my eyes gonna heel next 2 weeks. No soon.
Once im sick. Im sick forever.
So i guess im celebrating my birthday sleeping at home. My parents? Busy working. My grandparents? My grandma is gonna cook for me my favourite food. Pasta baby!!. And my grandpa is dead on bed. I really feel like putting rat-poison or any poison thats poisonly and put on his drink or on to him. Arghh. Pressure. :(
i just got home today. My mother let me home. I cant really go anywhere far. Because i will get dizzy and i cant see well. Luckily my house is near. Well, my father wasnt happy. He didnt want me home. Its not that he hates me or anything. He wasnt me to stay at my grandmas house so i have her to take care of me. If im home. I have nobody. Its just me alone at home. My father dont let me go my own house. What is that suppose to mean?. Im tired. Going back and forth. And its not just now, Its been ever. He doesnt want me home. I have my own house. My own room. My own space. I wanna sleep on it sometimes. I do love my grandma. No doubts. She took care of me since birth. Not my parents. I feel adopted.
I feel that i have nobody. Nobody like family. I have friends. Thats all i have. As you can tell. Im lonely. And i like it that way.
I really like it. Home alone.I like to be alone. Me myself and i. Its like i have my own things to do. I can walk naked at home. HAHAHA. Okeyy. No wayyyy. haha XD. I can watch tv and nobody will steal the remote. I can open my awesome favourite bands LOUD LOUD and nobody complains. And i have nobody yelling on my ear. I like being alone. Totally.
I know im stubborn, spoilt, irritating and all.
But i am still, Im the same. I can never change the way i am.
Im still Lisa. Or Cha Cha or Khal.
Im still here. Still me. You never see it. Because you only see my outside. Not inside. Judge the book by its cover. Thats what you're doing. I care. And now i dont.
I start not to care. Any other peoples feelings. I start to get frustrated easily and start to stop believing.
Four words i hate:
1. Sacrifice
2. Care
3. Love
4. Promise
This words i can never believe anymore. This is all fake. You're thinking that im not gonna love any man anymore. Ishh. Im gonna love a man soon. But not now. Ive been heartbroken enough. And now i wanna be alone. Stop bugging me. Ishhh. You see! I have problems!. People have probelms. Not only you. Ishhh. Stop asking me to listen to your girl problems if you dont wann listen to mine. Stupid Ein.
Í dream everyday. Dream something which can never happen. Now is reality. Touch me im real. But you never realise it.
Labels: Be Strong Lisa